Small Group Article

Cracking the Leadership Code
7 ways to nurture your small group leaders.
by Brett Eastman, CEO and Founder, Lifetogether, Inc.

Sally had been leading a small group for a few months when Jane, her small group coach, called her. Sally thought, That's her job to call me; she really doesn't care, and consequently, didn't connect with her. A week later, Jane called again. This time Sally thought she was really nice but was still just doing her job.

Jane had to call Sally eight times before she believed Jane actually cared and wanted a relationship with her. As a leader, Sally was slow to warm up, slow to trust, and a little insecure. Had Jane given up on try seven, Sally may have given up on leadership and missed out on an edifying relationship with Jane. Jane went the distance and never gave up.

As a small group champion, you can never give up on your leaders. Stay as faithful as possible when ministering to your leaders. At the height of your frustration, you may think, These people don't need me, but they do. In order to minister to them, though, you have to crack their heart's code. To use the worn phrase, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Following the acronym MINISTER will help you show your leaders how much you care.

Make them feel loved. People won't be interested in instruction, tools, and nifty tips until they know you care about them.

What are some things we can do? Call, send a loving e-mail, write a personal note or card, or send an instant message. Grab lunch together. Bring them a meal or mow their lawn if they just had a baby. Baby-sit when they need a break. It's as simple as asking, "How can I serve you?" It's a bit different for everyone, and since you're not a mind reader, just ask.

Include them in something on a weekly basis. If you send out a broadcast e-mail to all of your leaders, don't expect them to feel personally cared for. However, they will feel your care if you send them a personal e-mail—one that shares a little bit about what God is doing in your life, a devotional, or a Bible verse that you sense God wanted them to hear. Openness elicits openness.

If you don't receive a reply, call or set up a lunch date. When you connect, be "all ears": listen to their spiritual story, hear the latest and greatest of what's going on in their group, and let them share their prayer requests. If you get an answering machine, as goofy as it sounds, try leaving a prayer, which lets them know you're praying for them.

Insist on praying in the moment. I used to tell people, "I'll pray for you"—and then forget. One person encouraged me to stop and pray right at that moment. Even if you're on the phone, ask if you can pray for them right then and there.

However, in order to pray for them, you need to be connected with them. One of the most practical ways you can do this is by visiting their groups. You might think, "Visit their groups? They don't want me to come." Arrive a half-hour early, talk with the leader, and see how you can support him. When the group convenes, say, "I want to take a moment to pray for your leader and ask God to continue to bless him as he leads you." That prayer shows your dependence on God and your desire to bless your leader with God's strength.

During your leadership huddles, it's also important to model praying in the moment. Coaches often come prepared with an agenda, but you can toss the agenda when someone is in need. As a group, rise up, lay hands on the small group member, and pray for her right then and there.

Share your hurts and hopes. When coaches do this, leaders are more likely to do so. It shows them you are an ordinary person, with similar pains and joys, and that you don't know the answer to every question they have. Let them know you struggle in your faith, have battles with your kids, have arguments in your marriage, and have problems at work.

Paul told us that God's power is perfected in our weaknesses. The other day, I was struggling to get up and work on a project. I sat there, and after pressing my timer about 25 times, I finally said, "Lord, I'm stuck. I'm struggling so much!" In that moment, I felt that God moved me. Such stories model dependency on God, and your leaders are more likely to model that same dependency in their own small groups.

Thank them for serving. New leaders have a deep desire to be affirmed and appreciated, and rightly so. Never end a conversation without looking them in the eye and saying, "Thanks. It's always great to see you. I appreciate what you're doing."

It isn't always easy to remember this, but it matters more than you may ever know. It's often the one thing that keeps someone in the game. The Bible tells us to be thankful in all things and to encourage one another, especially as we see the day drawing near. Paul repeatedly thanks his fellow believers in Christ throughout his letters: "I thank the Lord Jesus Christ for you." He always modeled gratitude, and we ought to model it to our leaders.

Envison them in some small way. Once you earn their trust and the right to speak, it's important to share your senior pastor's dream for the church and to cast a vision for them to spiritually reproduce their life. Help them develop a dream beyond their group. At the very least, challenge them to welcome a few new people into their group. It will help bring new life into their circle.

If you're going to minister to the heart of your leaders and their groups, sometimes you need to speak the truth in love. Don't be afraid to say something you think God wants them to hear in a time, place, and way they can accept. It could make a difference—for them and for others—for eternity.

Remind them of their value. This is slightly different then thanking them. Instead, you're reminding them that their work matters. Sometimes, your leaders will feel burned out, stressed, and overwhelmed. They need to be reminded of their value and their call to lead. Even though they may feel weary of leading, they have been called by God to do so. As leaders of leaders, we must continually remind them why they're doing what they're doing.

A pastor I know gave and gave and gave of his life—and had been doing so for a long time. He was going through a quiet phase in his life work as pastor. Our small group made him a plaque engraved with a passage of Scripture. We surprised him with a huge party, and when he walked through the door he was immediately moved to tears. It made me see that no matter who we are—no matter what stage we are in our journey—we all need to know that we are loved, valued, and making a difference.