Some thoughts on "Small Talk"

The Power of Relational "Small Talk"

I haven't talked to a small group leader yet who hasn't experienced the issue of time pressure during small group gatherings. There so much to get done (food, fellowship, prayer, study, curriculum, service, planning, outreach, etc.) and so little time. And, if we're only working with an hour or two each week (or every other week!), there's precious little time for what we at our church call "hanging out." Part of the power of Biblical community comes as we have relationships with one another and small talk, even if it is superficial, is part of that. I was reminded of this from an unusual source recently. I was reading a transcript of the "Meet the Press" TV news show recently and here is a quote from one of the guests that caught my attention:

"If you don't talk to your children about the things that don't matter, they'll never talk to you about the things that do. You've got to talk to them about what somebody wore to school today and this silly movie or this sitcom or just what might be going on in their day that's not of any particular gravity but you're opening the channel, you're opening it for flow. And then when it comes time that they really need to talk to you about something, they don't feel awkward about it because you talk with them all the time." -NBC News MEET THE PRESS, Sunday, December 26, 2004

The quote was about parent child relationships. But it is just as true about relationships in general. The deep things rarely come out if you don't start in shallower water first (which, by the way, is why you should always start your small group gatherings with an ice breaker question that everyone should have the chance to answer). Obviously, some of this small talk can happen during group time, but that time is limited at best. So, beyond group time, when do you just "hang out?" Here's some ideas:

-have all or some of your group members over to eat with you before group starts; that extra 30-60 mins. is a great time to have conversation,
-be intentional about talking to your group members at a weekly worship service; if your congregation has multiple services, try to go to the service most of your group members attend,
-plan get-togethers and conversations with group members in-between small group gatherings, or
-be spontaneous: send an occasional email, make an excuse to go to their house and borrow something from them, invite them to go with you to the store or coffee shop, or just show up at their doorstep sometime to say hi.

Taken from the SmallGroups.com "Director's Blog" by Dan Lentz. January 10, 2005.